Soliloquy

   by Moireh Moon

Fat John
     I give you back your
     terrible shame

Big round red Roy
       I give you back
                    the secrets
                     the black secrets
                     that hold me

Big strong hairy Webb
                      Monster of my dreams
I give you back your terror
            your rage
            the belt
I give you your 
            big black belt
across your tenderest skin
I give you isolation and darkness
                 and strangled cries
I give you night horrors
and dreams of hopeless pursuit
I give you wet beds
                         wet cheeks and your own
malignant     wet       dreams

Mother
          I give back to you
          the wickedness
          you projected
          on to me

           the worthlessness
           the black heart
           the feeble mind
            the absence of dignity

I give you back your fear
           the eternal din
                     within
            your own mind

I give these things back
                   to you mother,

                  they are not mine
                   but
                    they are      finally
                                       and forever           
                                                  yours

To all of you who terrorized
               this miraculous child
                      who threw permanent shadows
                              across her incredible 

         luminosity

To all of you
         who shoved your obscenities
         into her mouth
         into her ears
         the tiny belly
         the shining soul

To all of you
       
          I give you
            
                     yourselves.