Monkey Trial

  by Chris Dietz


What to do at the Monkey Trial
who’s the chief ape
who got the banana
who’s been tapping out Shakespeare
one finger at a time 
on the ol’ keyboard

Deception by monkeys
and everyone’s a comedian 

Funny thing happened to me
on the way to the world
I met a man--a dark skinned man 
from a hot country 
who said, ‘hey, everybody’s a liar
I’m telling the truth
good law is no law 
in the hands of the few’

Who knows what monkeys can do
freedom means free of the Constitution, too
history is random--it’s a jungle out there
secret government, we proclaim
cuts out the middleman
leaves it to the experts
to the chiefs of plenty

Give ‘em a bag of baubles & an old truck tire 
they’ll swing
they’ll cavort through the jungles
doing their thing
what’s best for you & me
it’s a zoo out there
no one can remember a thing
we’re on a roll
we’re gonna knock the house down
				
Thousand monkeys in a thousand NORAD command posts
button button--who’s got the button
let’s play court--I object
let’s play thermonuclear annihilation--I object
let’s play a thousand points of blight

Joke’s on me, joke’s on you
live! from the White House
it’s all the president’s men
it’s the National Security Council		
 		wearing people masks

Don’t touch that dial
read all about it
sky to catch on fire
read all about it
millions starve in grocery store
read all about it
god spotted in UFO with Elvis
read all about it
president says he only did what the people let him 
read all about it
verdict in
planet saved
everyone on probation

Everyone must attend Betty Ford Clinic
must perform 1 billion years of community service
all’s well
justice has been served